Let Go

I see the raindrop hanging on so tightly to the grey cold pane
It stays until it can hold no longer
Finally it falls - silently, alone, gracefully
Traveling in its journey to a new place - a different place
With nowhere else to go it rests uniquely still
- weary from its decent
How brave the small drop is.
ATP. 2000

Exist

As I lay here inside of myself

I am still unsure of the person I've become

I am happy - mistake me not

Nonetheless I am ever aware that

Who I am, where I am, what I am has in every way been molded and forged by you

It is inescapable, unavoidable, unmistakable

Does that make me less than whole

Will I ever know

Or is this - the path less chosen my destiny

I am who I am - I should be grateful

I am blessed I never forget that

But it is the unanswered questions that force my quill to the paper

In the endless river of words - do the answers float carelessly by

Am I always trying to swim upstream

Questions - that may never be answered

And yet still I exist...

ATP. 2004

A Moment

It is quiet

The darkness calms me

The flickering candle dances with the jazz flowing from the radio

The crisp breeze greets my face

It plays with my hair teasing it just to see it move

My toes free and cool

My body soft and warm

I am nothing - no phone to answer, ho husband to greet, no child to cuddle

Alone with my thoughts and quill

At last for this small moment I am-

Myself...

ATP. 2002

Just

The games we play
Hiding, seeking, running, denying
What we truly want - how we truly feel
Truth is so hard, so dangerous
Instead we blame, we point another direction
To deny ourselves what may finally bring peace
Humans seek conflict, they hold grudges
They find fault in others, the very fault they themselves display
We should be less like the store display mannequins
We constantly change our appearance letting others -
Pose us, direct us, send us in their direction
We should be naked
We should find our path, our direction, our peace, and then just be...
ATP. 2008

Meant to Be

Missing you never leaves my heart
The smallest hint of you - evokes a wave of nostalgia
My memory remembers every moment
Every connection like it just was
The warmness fills my every crevasse
Throwing me right back to you
Right back to where we once were - together, perfect - meant to be...

ATP. 2008

Answers

My head full of confusion
My heart an endless question
Blackness surrounds me like death
I am free with the stars
A quietness so loud it disturbs me
Finally a noise shattering the silence
It is your heart beat – strong, secure, and calming
So many feelings flood my jaded heart as it keeps time with yours…
My place in time is lost
My emotions are not my own
Where do I belong –
I stand inside my shadow
Afraid to look at what I’ve become
A time or place that made sense
When I loved you & you me
That time in my memory when I lost you
Never let a soul mate go for there will never be another
All other pieces fit when the heart is clear
I’m sorry I did not find that answer
Find the answer when I needed to most of all
When you loved me & I you
Nothing can ever be the same –
Except my love for you…

1994. ATH